Hanuel
Hoseok and I were on the roof of the Bangtan mansion. I knew Namjoon was discussing plans to tighten security but I just had no mind doing that.
I barely knew how I got here. One moment we were at the party, the next Domina Vindictae showed up. I knew she had plans but I never expected this. I should have known she would go after her. I should have known she would use Lux against me.
I could not get rid of that image – of her bloody body hanging from the noose, dangling right above me. I felt my heart break seeing that scene. Lux was a good person, she did not deserve that.
Somehow Hoseok had led me out of that place as I trembled and shook out of control. He had pulled me into his car and drove me home. As soon as I entered, I rushed to up here for some air. I sat, staring at the skyline as my body still shook slightly.
My mind kept repeating Domina Vindictae’s words over and over again; ‘You were always such a weakling with feelings. You had the potential to be the next Lady Scarlet but you have a soft and weak heart that cares too much about others.’
Maybe she was right. Maybe I have grown soft. Maybe I have grown too attached – too emotional. Maybe I should not be here. I’m only going to endanger them.
‘Ha—Hanuel,’ Hoseok whispered as he came even closer to me. I felt him place his hand on my thigh as he rubbed there. ‘Talk to me. I know it’s stupid to ask you how are you feeling so tell me,’ he said.
‘I… I don’t even know how to put it in words Hoseok. She killed her to get back at me,’ I said.
‘Who was she? I mean Lux?’ he asked. I knew he was trying to get me to talk but I felt a pain in my heart like never before. I thought of her – her beautiful, angelic smile and I could not help but smile as well.
‘She was the purest person in that hell,’ I said as I took a deep breath. ‘When I was given to the Scarlets, I had spent the first few days isolated and then I was placed in the same room as Lux. We…we grew up together. She was my best friend and she was someone who protected me when she could,’ I said.
‘Was she the friend you mentioned once?’ he asked. ‘I remember you telling us that that * made you choose to either kill your friend or someone innocent,’ he said and I nodded.
‘That was her. I could not kill her. She was the only person who truly gave a damn about me back then,’ I said.
‘Of course you couldn’t. She was your friend, probably someone you loved like a sister,’ he said and I nodded.
‘She was my other half in a way. We protected each other. God knows how many beatings we took for each other,’ I said with a sigh.
We remained in silence for a while as we could hear the night animals in the distance. My mind recalled the last time I had seen her. It was by the train station at midnight. We had both been wearing our cloaks. We had shared one last hug before we went our separate ways.
‘I begged her to come with me Hoseok, to escape with me but she did not want to. She said being a Scarlet gave her a purpose in life, even if it was not a good one,’ I said, starting to feel that tight squeeze on my throat and chest.
‘Sometimes, it’s hard to walk away from all you know Hanuel. She might have been afraid of not being able to find herself,’ he said.
‘She had been an abandoned orphan so being a Scarlet was all she knew,’ I admitted. ‘I wanted her to escape with me. I wanted her to be free,’ I said.
‘As much as we want to make decisions for others, sometimes we cannot do that,’ he said, trying to offer reassurance.
‘Hoseok, Vindictae killed her to get back at me. She killed her because of me. Her blood is on my hands,’ I said as I felt tears roll down my cheek.
‘Hey, no, don’t say that,’ he said as he put his arm around me. ‘It wasn’t your fault sweetheart,’ he said rubbing my arm.
‘I…. I can’t do this anymore. Did I not suffer enough? I had everything ripped from me -my childhood, my ability to be a mum, my innocence. I can’t lose any more people I care about Hoseok. I lost my parents, I almost lost my brother five months ago and now Lux. I can’t …. I can’t take anymore,’ I cried, suddenly bursting in tears. I gasped for air trying to stop the tears but I failed.
‘Shh it’s okay. Let it out. You’ve been holding on for so long. Let it out. It's okay to grieve for the people and things you lost. It's okay to grieve for the childhood you never had, for the love that was never given to you. It's okay to grieve for all that was taken away from you - your innocence and your light. It's okay. I'm here and I promise to be here,' he said as he motioned me to get closer to him.
I moved and shifted my weight so I could put my head on his lap. I continued to sniffle as I held on to him. Instantly, his fingers found their place among my hair as he played with my hair. I could hear him begin to sing softly, his voice instantly calming down my heart as I closed my eyes.
Hoseok
Somehow, I had fallen asleep while Hanuel slept on me. I opened my eyes because of the early morning sunrays, my hand instantly going to look for Hanuel’s warmth… but I could not find it. I sat up straighter as I looked around, a sudden fear encapsulating my heart.
‘Hanuel? Hanuel where are you?’ I yelled as I stood up and looked all over the roof. There was no sign of her and something in my gut was telling me something was wrong. ‘*,’ I mumbled to myself as I hurried downstairs.
I ran through the corridor as I hurried to her room. I did not bother to knock as I twisted the knob and rushed inside. The room was clean and somewhat empty. I felt my mouth run dry as my eyes fell on a piece of paper. I grabbed it with shaky hands as I opened it.
Dearest Hoseok, Yeonjun, Bangtan,
I am so so sorry to leave like this, like a thief in the night but I have no other choice. You all heard what Domina Vindictae said. This is the beginning and she will keep to her word. I cannot…I refuse to lose anyone else I care about. I refuse to lose any of you. I hope running away will lure her away from you all. I hope it keeps you safe.
I can never thank you enough for what you did for me. You gave me a home and a family. You made me see myself as more than a hired assassin. You made me believe I was worth something.
Myung, from the moment I met you, I knew we would become good friends. You are wonderful and you’re an amazing mother. Stay safe!
Namjoon – you are a leader like no other – kind and wise but also fearless. Thank you for accepting me into your home even if I was so different from you.
Taehyung, Yoongi, Jungkook, Jimin and Jin – you’ve become amazing friends to me – people I consider family. Keep protecting each other and keep your eyes open.
Yeonjun, my dearest little brother, I am so sorry for abandoning you once more but I am doing this to keep all of you safe… know that I love you, from the bottom of my heart.
Hoseok, there is so much that I wish I could tell you but don’t have the courage to do so. I know you will be angry with me but please forgive me for leaving like this. Please know that I am trying to protect you.
I will never forget any of you.
I love you.
Hanuel
I gulped as I finished reading the letter. This could not be. How could she just leave like that? Does she not realize she is making herself an easier target for them? … But that was the whole point, wasn’t it? She wanted to draw them to her and away from us.
‘God dammit Hanuel,’ I said angrily as I ran out of her room and to Namjoon’s. Once again, I didn’t knock as I just burst inside only to find Namjoon and Myung making out.
‘Hoseok! What the hell?’ Namjoon yelled, groaning as he untangled from Myung.
‘Sorry but we have a situation,’ I said as they both sat up.
‘What do you mean?’ Namjoon asked as he started getting out of bed.
‘I mean Hanuel left. She thinks she is protecting us by leaving,’ I began feeling a new surge of panic taking over me.
‘*! She’s only going to make herself more of an easier target for them,’ he cursed as he grabbed his pants and started putting them on.
‘Namjoon we need to get her back home,’ Myung said, sounding just as desperate as I felt.
‘She’s terrified of losing any of us and she is scared the Scarlets will come after us,’ I explained.
‘I would not be surprised. They know how much she means to us and what we mean to her,’ Namjoon said. ‘We’ll try to be ready for them. Hoseok get the team, we need to tighten security and get to her,’ Namjoon said.
‘Will do,’ I said as I hurried out of the room, ready to go and tell the others to come. Please Hanuel be okay – please.
